On Partnership (With Children)

I have the most incredibly involved husband and dad, as you know. And, we could talk about the times I’ve felt isolated, alone and without a support system. We can talk about the times we’ve fought to find each other in the layers of parenting. We can talk about the times we’ve had to negotiate our views on parenting. We can talk about the date nights that were completely devoted to being on the same page with our changing approach to discipline, focus, reassurances for our children. We could spend the next year discussing just the topic of loving each other through no physical closeness, a shared bed with the 3 year old and 90% of our personal conversations through e-mail and telephone. We can also discuss the amount of money we spend on babysitters and a nanny to carve out time to address business needs or twice a month (if we’re lucky) a dinner or movie with each other. Partnership is ever-changing and requires complete dedication to remain harmonious. Dylan and I have an understand that our time will come around again. Right now, it’s all about our kids. That doesn’t mean we don’t do for each other or individually. It just means we don’t beat up on each other when we can’t. It was hard work to get to this point and it requires always including your feelings for each other.

On Parenting

No other person in my life has taught me what Wynter has taught me! No other person has challenged me the way I have found her to challenge me. No other person has reduced me to a pile of sobbing tears the way she has. And, no other person has made it so clear to me why she needed to come into my life. She is exactly what I needed to grow. She is exactly what I needed to address myself, my past, my heart. I am thankful for her spirited nature and ability to question everything. Why shouldn’t she? She’s my daughter! If you put in the work, it’s hard! There are times you get in the car and drive home, because you gave the warning. There are times you leave the cart in the grocery store, full, because you explained the consequences. There are times you pack it up and leave a party because you said “if you make that choice again…..” and they did. Parenting is hard work when you’re doing a good job. You don’t get to have the same social life. You completely rearrange your friendships and life based on the needs of your child. You have to make choices that teach them what to do when they are faced with the same. You have to care for yourself tenderly and with heart because that’s what they will need to do. You have to show them how to be a strong but vulnerable woman, through example. You have to show them it’s okay to be wrong. You have to tell them when you could have made another choice or should have. You have to listen to what they have to say while placing boundaries of time and attention so they know not everyone is going to listen to everything all the time. You have to laugh with them, cry with them, hold them and cherish those moments. When you yell, talk about it. When you cry, talk about it. When you laugh, talk about it. Attach words with actions. Allow honesty without anger. Follow through with natural consequences…you won’t be sorry you did. Don’t be afraid to be the bad guy. Kids need boundaries. Adults need boundaries. Show her how to be a happy woman by not placing yourself in such stretched positions in life. Show her how to love herself by doing the same. Show her how to trust by trusting. Show her how to protect herself with knowledge, openness. Realize her voice and actions are designed just for you!